Ah, Bumi Surabaya. It’s been years since I stayed with you but I always have fond memories of your courtyard. What a beautiful tropical garden – in the middle of bustling city!
Much love.
Monthly Archives: April 2019
Renewed
My mother doesn’t want people to know of her condition. We’ve never told anybody at church the extend of her illness. I think it’s her way to maintain normality, so people don’t see her as a sick person or pity her. She was an independent woman until up to 3 years ago when she still had her own business, took public transport to and from church and anywhere, and do her own things. To be at her condition right now must be hard, especially since she lost some of her mobility.
Since we found out about her Hepatitis back in 2016, she’s been in and out of hospital for different treatment. She doesn’t want us to inform anybody but close relatives, and we respect her wish. She often said that she doesn’t want to burden people and also doesn’t want to be disturbed during her rest in the hospital, but I’m sure that every now and then she got envious of people get visitors.
But we can’t perfectly keep her from everybody. As my sister is working in a foundation with some people from church, so some close friends will know if mom was hospitalized. Mom doesn’t mind, as these people are her close acquaintance too.
Today I met one of them at Easter service. She shook my hand, and ask how mom is doing. I’ve gotten used to say “mom is fine, she’s healthy” to anyone who asked. I forgot that this person knows about mom’s latest ER scare. She looked me in the eye and said “this is your chance to take care of your mother. Enjoy it.” All I can say was “she’s recovering nicely.”
I understand that time is not gonna stay still forever. That’s why I took every chance to care for her. I’m also happy that my niece is here for 2 weeks and nothing boost everybody’s morale like she does.
On mom’s last day of stay at the hospital, I got to talk with a doctor on next plan for mom. I’m so thankful that the hepatology department is caring for her. At least I know what we will do next. I feel like we’re doing something and not just wait until cancer ravaged her. I was given hope.
Just like Easter is a day of renewed hope and deliverance.
Pilpres
Setelah lama diantisipasi, akhirnya hari bersejarah Pilpres Indonesia terjadi juga….. Buset di WAG itu rame banget mengenai tips and tricks untuk memastikan bahwa kita bisa memilih, karena tiap suara berharga.
Jadilah setelah malem2 download app Pemilu untuk tau siapa aja calon legislatif dari Dapil sini, gue sibuk pilah pilih siapa yang kira2 mau dicoblos. Kalo pilihan presidennya mah jelas, lah untuk milih caleg dan DPD itu yang bingung. Most of them I’ve never heard of. Lalu mama baru pulang dari rawat inap semalam. Jadi malam kemaren kita juga masih sibuk beres2. Alhasil gue tewas tidur blas sampe pagi, pas bangun udah jam 7. Lah bijimana ini, katanya sebaiknya datang sepagi mungkin?
Setelah mandi beres2 dan sarapan, lalu urusin si mama yang juga mau jalan ke TPS, nyampelah kita disana jam 9. Udah antri sih, tapi paling <20 orang. Trus baiknya, sebagai lansia si mama boleh duluan, bahkan boleh didampingi sampai bilik suara. Kebetulan juga yang jagain meja tinta adalah orang yang nolongin kita bopong mama waktu gak sadar minggu lalu, jadi mama sekalian salam si mas itu untuk bilang terima kasih. Puji Tuhan semua berjalan lancar di TPS gue. Nggak ada sindir2an, gak ada pembicaraan negatif, semua orang nunggu dengan tenang trus pulang.
Terima kasih Tuhan untuk keamanan di TPS kami. Selanjutnya biar Tuhan yang memimpin mereka yang bertugas dalam melakukan penghitungan suara, supaya jangan ada kecurangan dan hal2 yang tidak baik terjadi dalam pilpres ini.
AMIN!
The day I realized my mother is a mortal
Mom got high fever and lost consciousness around 2 AM. My sister called me and we decided to take her to the ER. She didn’t cry, she just sound worried and I came running.
I never imagined how frightening it was to hold her, burning with fever but her body went rigid. Thankfully we live in a kampung and we got random neighbor guy helping to carry her to the car, otherwise we didn’t know how to move her as all of the sudden her body feels so heavy. Seems like forever to get her to ER and I was calling and stroking her head all the way.
Her fever subsided on the way and she started responded the minute we got her to the stretcher at ER. But I was never been this scared all my life.
As I stood right next to her bed in the ER, responding and explaining her symptoms and her medical problems to the doctor, I was hit with a realization. I could have lost my mother, but she made it to another day.
My mother has two types of cancer already, and the recently diagnosed type is more aggressive. But you wouldn’t know it just from looking at her. She’s the most positive person I’ve ever known and she faced cancer head on. I always think that she can overcome anything just by being her. Being a hopeful, faithful, simple person that she is.
I’ve told my sister that we, as a family, have to be ready for when her condition gets worse. Of course I was hoping that the day will not come soon, or ever. But seeing her at her worst made me realized, my strong mother is a mortal after all. And it hit me hard. Knowing it, as a logical person that I am, is different with finally “knowing” it.
Mom’s is recovering nicely right now. She had lung infection for unknown reasons. She had no recollection of her condition and why we had to take her to the ER. She was surprised when I told her that she lost consciousness. We spent two nights at the ER because the doctors want her to be under close supervision, and I spent most of the time standing next to her. ER doesn’t provide seating for family and sitting on the floor is not always allowed. When she was finally being transferred to regular inpatient ward, I took the opportunity to shower for the first time in 2 days. But any hardship is worth it. I can take care of her.
I pray that God gives her more healthy days. We all eventually will die someday, but I pray that she wouldn’t feel any pain although she has multiple cancers. Please God hear my prayers.
Healing balm in Gilead
Few weeks back, my church choir sang “Motherless child“. I was reminded of Negro Spiritual songs and what a wonderful music they are. The obvious pain, longing, but undying hope speaks to me in my current mental state.
Then I remember a song called ” There is a Balm in Gilead“. It speaks about healing, obviously for the soul, however I believe it applies for the body too. There is a cure for our sickness. A balm, medicines, or chemotherapy, whatever. There should be a remedy.
I stumbled upon a version of Balm in Gilead on youtube that has become my favorite version of the song. I’ve never heard about the singer, Jeanne Lee before, so I was happy to find another singers to add to my listening list.
Her rendition of the song was simple in some way. As someone with no jazz talent whatsoever, I will sing it in a similar way as her. Flat, following the notes, no improvisation. For an acclaimed jazz singer and composer like her, her approach to this song sounds fresh (to me, ignorant as I am). I love how she enunciates every word clearly, maintain a control of her voice, and especially the humming part. The voice and trumpet combo sounds ethereal. What a wonderful collaboration on such a powerful song!
One Fine Day 