Di hari Paskah ini yang kebaktiannya masih online ini jadi keingetan, sepertinya sudah bertahun2 nggak nyanyi yang bener. Dari tadinya anggota 2-3 paduan suara, yang tiap Natal marathon latihan berbulan-bulan, jadi nggak sama sekali.
Jadi, sekian tahun lalu, terjadi perbedaan pendapat yang sangat-sangat parah di gereja. Begitu parahnya sampai anggota2 gereja yang tidak setuju berhenti berbakti, termasuk pemimpin paduan suara. Karena pemimpinnya mogok demi protes, paduan suaranya juga berhenti. Saya juga termasuk anggota yang nggak setuju, tapi tidak keluar karena prinsip (ini gereja gue dari lahir, dari jaman kakek nenek gue, kok enak aja gue yang keluar), jadi ketika paduan suara dimulai lagi dengan anggota2 yang baru untuk mengganti yang pada mogok, saya tetap tidak bergabung.
Tadinya, tiap kebaktian ada di depan. Nyanyi menghadap jemaat. Sekarang jadi duduk di belakang, walaupun nyanyi tetap bagi suara. Beda lokasi saja sih, begitu kata saya dalam hati. Begitu terus sampai terjadi pergantian kepemimpinan, saya tetap tidak ikut paduan suara. Dan keluarga saya juga nggak nanya, nggak menghimbau, nggak maksa. Karena mereka tau bahwa percuma maksa saya. Dulu waktu SMA saya mulai ikut paduan suara juga karena kemauan sendiri. Mungkin didoain kenceng2 aja kali, biar hati saya dilembutkan.
Akhirnya saya cuma ikut paduan suara cabutan. Ketika ada paduan suara gabungan buat Natal, baru ikutan. Actually I miss singing in choir so much. Singing is when I’m the most content. My mind is always moving, worrying, thinking. Singing, especially the traditional gospel song I love so much, centers me. Hushes me, calms me.
Sekarang di Yutub kerjanya denger lagu2 Buku Ende HKBP karena suka aja dengan efek calmingnya, karena cari lagu denominasi sendiri nggak banyak di YT.
Berhenti paduan suara dulu karena protes, sebagai pernyataan sikap, urusan prinsip. Ketika yang diprotes sudah tidak ada, abis itu alasan bahwa paduan suaranya sendiri sudah berubah. Cari alasan aja terus padahal kangen. Giliran sekarang beneran gak bisa nyanyi lagi di gereja demi mencegah droplet, nyesel kan.
Few weeks back, my church choir sang “Motherless child“. I was reminded of Negro Spiritual songs and what a wonderful music they are. The obvious pain, longing, but undying hope speaks to me in my current mental state.
Then I remember a song called ” There is a Balm in Gilead“. It speaks about healing, obviously for the soul, however I believe it applies for the body too. There is a cure for our sickness. A balm, medicines, or chemotherapy, whatever. There should be a remedy.
I stumbled upon a version of Balm in Gilead on youtube that has become my favorite version of the song. I’ve never heard about the singer, Jeanne Lee before, so I was happy to find another singers to add to my listening list.
Her rendition of the song was simple in some way. As someone with no jazz talent whatsoever, I will sing it in a similar way as her. Flat, following the notes, no improvisation. For an acclaimed jazz singer and composer like her, her approach to this song sounds fresh (to me, ignorant as I am). I love how she enunciates every word clearly, maintain a control of her voice, and especially the humming part. The voice and trumpet combo sounds ethereal. What a wonderful collaboration on such a powerful song!
When the music fades
All is stripped away
And I simply come
Longin’ just to bring Something that’s of worth That will bless your heart
I’ll bring You more than a song For a song in itself Is not what You have required
You search much deeper within Through the ways things appear You’re looking into my heart
I’m comin’ back to the heart of worship
And it’s all about You
It’s all about You, Jesus
I’m sorry Lord for the thing I’ve made it When it’s all about You It’s all about You, Jesus
The King of endless worth No one could express How much You deserve? Lord
Though I’m weak and poor All I have is Yours Every single breath
I’ll bring You more than a song For a song in itself Is not what You have required
You search much deeper You search much deeper within Through the way things appear You’re looking into my heart
I’m comin’ back to the heart of worship And it’s all about You It’s all about You, Jesus
I’m sorry Lord for the thing I’ve made it When it’s all about You It’s all about You, Jesus
I’m comin’ back to the heart of worship And it’s all about You It’s all about You, Jesus
I’m sorry Lord for the thing I’ve made it When it’s all about You It’s all about You, Jesus, yeah It’s all about You
Every song we sing Every breath we breathe, Jesus Its all about You It’s all about You, Lord
I’m comin’ back to the heart of worship And it’s all about You Since it’s all about You, Jesus
I’m sorry Lord for the thing I’ve made it When it’s all about You It’s all about You, Jesus
Sing to say, it’s all about You Every melody every heart beat Every breath we breathe It’s all about You
There’s no one It’s all about You It’s all about You It’s all about You
To be honest, she’s not the best singer at church. There were others with better singing voice than hers. She sang this song in a very simplistic manner, no twist and turns anywhere, nothing fancy, but then we all can follow the lyrics and understand the messages of this song.
I find this kind of singing is more sincere and engaging than the great ‘performance’ by others. Sometimes the singers and musicians (I sometimes am guilty of this since I’m also a singer) think of ways to sounds good, to entertain the congregation, to inspire compliments and awe of our mad skills. We forgot that our song during the service is to praise God, to realize our devotion, and to worship Him.
Again and again we have to assess ourselves, remind ourselves of what our motivation in worship is. Check our motivation often, and be honest. If pride start creeping in, pray for forgiveness. Because in anything we do, that include any act of worship, the heart of them all is God.
Let this be a constant reminder for myself, especially during these times when we’re busy preparing for Christmas Cantata. Let me be reminded of my motivation in joining the choir, that I want to worship God with all my talents, ability and skill that God has given to me.
Oktober, seperti biasa, adalah bulan musik di gereja saya. Selama bulan Oktober, kebaktian akan berfokus kepada penyembahan melalui pujian (lagu) dan musik. Biasanya akan ada paduan suara atau vokal grup, baik tamu maupun internal, yang akan menyampaikan pujian istimewanya. Tujuan bulan musik adalah supaya jemaat diingatkan akan perlunya penyembahan melalui pujian, bagaimana menyembah dengan benar, dan indahnya penyembahan kepada Tuhan.
Hari ini topik khotbahnya adalah bagaimana caranya supaya pujian kita diperkenan Tuhan. Bagaimana supaya puji-pujian dan penyembahan kita tidak membuat Tuhan jemu. Inti khotbahnya hanya tiga, tapi betul2 mengena.
Penyembahan yang berkenan kepada Tuhan adalah:
– berasal dari hati. Pemazmur mengatakan “hatiku siap” sebelum memulai puji-pujiannya, bukan mengatakan “paduan suara siap, tim musik siap”. Pujian yang benar berasal dari hati. Jika ingin memuji Tuhan, kita harus mempersiapkan hati kita untuk memasuki saat yang indah yaitu saat penyembahan. Ini relevan sekali terutama untuk anggota Paduan Suara seperti saya. Kadang menyanyi di kebaktian menjadi seperti tugas saja, keharusan, bahkan rutinitas. Akibatnya tidak ada persiapan hati,. Bisa jadi juga kita lebih sibuk dengan persiapan teknis atau menyanyi dengan motivasi yang tidak pada tempatnya, sehingga pujian datangnya dari mulut saja. Buat saya yang sudah puluhan tahun ikut paduan suara, banyak lagu yang sudah saya hafal nada bahkan sampai dinamikanya.Tidak terlalu sulit untuk menyanyikan dari ingatan saja. Tapi itu adalah “tampil” atau menyanyi tanpa hati. Yang mendengar mungkin tidak bisa membedakan, karena toh saya menggunakan talenta saya sepertinya untuk memuji, tapi Tuhan yang maha tau isi hati kita akan melihat kalau saja pujian itu datangnya bukan dari hati. Dengan demikian, pujian itu adalah sia-sia.
– ada pengakuan. Kita dapat saja menyanyikan pujian-pujian dengan kata-kata seindah Mazmur Daud, tapi kalau ketika menyanyikan lagu-lagu tersebut tidak timbul pengakuan akan kebesaran, kasih setia, penyertaan, dan kuasa Tuhan dalam hati kita secara pribadi, artinya kita hanya menyanyi di bibir saja. Segala yang kita nyanyikan itu hanya ‘lewat’ begitu saja, karena tidak membangkitkan pengakuan dalam diri kita.
– adanya komitmen iman. Misalnya dari suatu pujian, kita mengakui bahwa Allah adalah kasih dan setia. Lanjutannya, ada komitmen kita untuk percaya akan kasih setia Tuhan dan hidup dengan setia kepada firmanNya. Kalau kita sudah mengakui bahwa penyertaan Tuhan selalu ada, maka lanjutannya adalah komitmen untuk tidak hidup dalam keragu-raguan dan kekhawatiran.
Tiga hal yang sepertinya singkat, tapi dalam. Makanya saya tulis kali ini, karena sangat-sangat relevan dan menegur buat saya.
Walaupun mungkin tidak secara langsung tersambung dengan khotbah di atas, saya ingin menyatakan bagaimana puji-pujian sangat menguatkan buat saya. Saya adalah orang yang suka menyanyi dan aktif di paduan suara sejak remaja. Karena gereja saya cukup konvensional, lagu-lagu yang kami nyanyikan di paduan suara umumnya bukan lagu gospel kontemporer, sementara lagu di kebaktian sendiri kebanyakan adalah lagu pujian tradisional dari buku nyanyian jemaat. Bagi banyak orang, lagu-lagu seperti itu mungkin dianggap kuno dan tidak berenergi, tidak menggugah seperti lagu Hill Songs misalnya. Tapi buat saya pribadi, lagu-lagu pujian tradisional yang sering kali dinyanyikan sampai hafal itu adalah ‘senjata’ saya. Pada saat saya lemah dan hampir jatuh, saya mungkin tidak berada dekat dengan Alkitab atau tidak ingat ayat mana yang dapat menguatkan saya. Ketika saya berdoa minta Tuhan kuatkan, Tuhan menjawab dengan mengingatkan saya akan sebuah lagu dari buku nyanyian atau lagu yang pernah saya nyanyikan di paduan suara yang sangat relevan dengan kebutuhan saya saat itu. Kadang saya heran sendiri, karena saya bisa teringat lagu-lagu yang jarang dinyanyikan, tapi kata-katanya pasti sangat tepat untuk menguatkan saya. Saya percaya itu tidak terjadi karena pengenalan yang dalam akan lagu, atau kemampuan saya untuk menghafal lirik sekian banyak lagu, tapi memang Tuhan yang mengarahkan saya ke lagu itu. Kadang liriknya juga tidak saya ingat betul, tapi menyenandungkan lagu tertentu bisa meneduhkan hati saya.
Saya sering menyenandungkan lagu-lagu penghiburan (yang biasanya dinyanyikan saat kedukaan dan penguburan) dan menemukan kekuatan baru dari lirik lagu-lagu tersebut. Saat saya gelisah, khawatir, dan hampir panic attack, yang saya ingat adalah Nyamanlah Jiwaku (It Is Well With My Soul). Ketika saya kecil hati atau putus asa karena merasa kok orang lain lebih beruntung dari saya, yang saya nyanyikan adalah Hitunglah Berkatmu. Ketika saya sedang berbunga-bunga karena senang, yang saya ingat adalah lagu Allah Bapa Kami Puja. Ada banyak lagi contohnya. Bahkan lagu-lagu yang rasanya sudah hafal luar kepala, kalau perlu dari ayat 1-4, jika dinyanyikan lagi maka akan menampilkan satu sisi yang sebelumnya saya tidak sadari, dan yang paling penting, relevan untuk menguatkan saya!
Dari sekian banyak lagu, kalau ditanya apa saja lagu favorit saya maka rata-rata temanya adalah “jangan takut karena Tuhan menyertaimu”. Dengan demikian, lagu-lagu yang diambil dari Mazmur 27, Mazmur 91 adalah juaranya, karena janji perlindungan dan penyertaan Tuhan kepada umatNya dalam Mazmur ini sangat luar biasa! Dan setelah diingat-ingat lagi, kalimat yang paling sering saya ulangi dalam hati adalah cuplikan dari lagu Di Atas Sayap Rajawali (On Eagle’s Wings) yang ini: Tak perlu takut gelapnya malam, atau panah waktu siang terbang. Ribuan orang jatuh, engkau tetap tegak. Luar biasa sekali kata-katanya… ribuan orang jatuh, engkau tetap tegak! Buat saya, ini menegaskan dan menegaskan sekali lagi janji penyertaan Tuhan. Semua itu saya ingat lagi berkat adanya lagu-lagu pujian seperti ini!
On Eagle’s Wings (by Michael Joncas)
You who dwell in the shelter of the Lord, Who abide in His shadow for life, Say to the Lord, “My Refuge, My Rock in Whom I trust.”
CHORUS: And He will raise you up on eagle’s wings, /Bagai sayap burung rajawali Bear you on the breath of dawn, /kau kan ditinggikanNya Make you to shine like the sun, / bersinar sperti surya And hold you in the palm of His Hand. /kau dipegang dalam tanganNya.
The snare of the fowler will never capture you, And famine will bring you no fear; Under His Wings your refuge, His faithfulness your shield.
CHORUS
You need not fear the terror of the night, / Tak perlu takut gelapnya malam Nor the arrow that flies by day, / atau panah waktu siang terbang Though thousands fall about you, / Ribuan orang jatuh, Near you it shall not come. / engkau tetap tegak.
CHORUS
For to His angels He’s given a command, To guard you in all of your ways, Upon their hands they will bear you up, Lest you dash your foot against a stone.
After all the drama (an expensive drama, I have to say), but with tremendous amount of prayers, we had been able to sing this cantata: Agnus Dei Lamb of God, Born to Us by David Hamilton. The songs are not easy, and we’ve been practicing since September. The last week it seems that we’ve been coming to church every day for practice, and the end, it was worth it. I’m touched by the dedication of the choir members. They are not the regular church choir members (some are): most of them are housewives that don’t normally sing in a choir. But their willingness to learn, their eagerness to serve, and their total devotion are really heart warming. We did this one much better than last year’s Cantata. Of course, there are some mistakes here and there, but nothing fatal. And I have to say, the piano was played beautifully too!
Dear God, we know You heard our prayers, that we want to praise and worship you through this Cantata. It’s not a performance, it’s our testimonies of faith through our voices.
We’ve been practicing for the last 4 months. These ladies give their best effort, and we pushed the limit to sing this ensemble. Not many people think that the women choir could sing something this complicated music wise, as they’re used to sing the songs often sung on regular Sunday services.
There were burps here and there. Some tiffs as the day come nearer, but everything smoothed out at the end. Even our last rehearsal was quite a disaster. But I guess that what makes everybody pray hard before we sing, because we know that we won’t be able to do this on our own.
So the concert was a success. There were some good parts, there were some not so good parts, but overall, it was way better than we expected. Thank God. The title of the concert, The Wonder of Christmas, was an appropriate theme, as it was a wonder that we’re able to sing this 🙂
In our choir uniform. The color choice was questionable (I described it as dishwater brown), but I feel good wearing this. Because I sang my heart out, and it felt so good.
With Christmas come approaching, I’m busy with choir practices. The women choir will sing The Wonder of Christmas cantata on the 24th. At least 9 songs, if I’m not mistaken, not entirely new numbers but with varying degree of complicated arrangement. Our church doesn’t have strong choir, and most of the women are not particularly good singers.
But this ladies could teach one or two things about perseverance and faith. They know what this is a huge undertaking by all, and some of them devoted time to come to practice, twice a week. Our singing are by no means near perfect, no, but I think deep inside they all want to give the best as their Christmas offering.
I know that I am a good choir singer. I can keep the tune, I can keep the beat and I have quite wide vocal range. Which, sometimes, made me lazy because I know that I can learn songs faster than most. The devotion of these ladies humbled me. Every time I feel frustrated and annoyed by our slow progress, I’m reminded again that I give from what I already have. These ladies, really work on what they will offer.
The concert is less than 10 days away and we’re still far from even good. But as often been prayed again and again, we’re singing not because we have to perform something for Christmas. We sing because we want to praise and worship, and this is just a form of our personal Christmas offering. We will do our best, and let God do the rest.
We’ll also sing Gloria from 12th Mass (Mass in G Major) from Mozart. Most of the ladies have sung this before, while for me this will be my first time to learn the song. I’m blown away at the majestic of the composition, the sweetness, and longing for one day that I can join the choir in Heaven singing “gloria in excelsis Deo”. What a wonderful, wonderful eternity it would be!
We studied this song for the last 2 choir practices. What exceptional about this song is the lyrics. I thought that this was an older piece, and was pleasantly surprised to find out that it was written in 2001. The lyrical, biblical verses are what touches me the most from the classic hymns, sadly missing from many contemporary songs. However, this song is different. Simple words with strong foundation. I just found out the terminology, it a credal song which convey the essential elements of our Christian belief, or creed.
In Christ alone Words and Music by Keith Getty & Stuart Townend
In Christ alone my hope is found;
He is my light, my strength, my song;
This cornerstone, this solid ground,
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My comforter, my all in all
Here in the love of Christ I stand.
In Christ alone, Who took on flesh,
Fullness of God in helpless babe!
This gift of love and righteousness,
Scorned by the ones He came to save.
Till on that cross as Jesus died,
The wrath of God was satisfied;
For ev’ry sin on Him was laid
Here in the death of Christ I live.
There in the ground His body lay,
Light of the world by darkness slain;
Then bursting forth in glorious day,
Up from the grave He rose again!
And as He stands in victory,
Sin’s curse has lost its grip on me;
For I am His and He is mine
Bought with the precious blood of Christ.
No guilt in life, no fear in death
This is the pow’r of Christ in me;
From life’s first cry to final breath,
Jesus commands my destiny.
No pow’r of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Till He returns or calls me home
Here in the pow’r of Christ I’ll stand.
One Fine Day 